9/25 Movie Review - The Story of Ricky

Oh, yes. Phil brought the bonus. And we wept like children who've had their toys smashed by their favorite uncle. (How could you do that Uncle Jimmy? How?) There are some lessons you don't want to learn...

The movie never explains anything, so I'm not going to explain the movie. Yet, if I were pitching this movie (shudder), I would describe it as "Dead Alive meets Bruce Lee."





Make the head smashing end.

(I can't.)

Please... It hurts me.

(No. You must suffer as I have suffered.)

But I'll be good, I promise. I won't tell anyone...

(It does not matter who you tell, little one. This will happen anyway.)

I'm so scared.

(I know.)

I want to go home.

(This is your home now. You will stay here until the end. You will feed my pain.)

Please... please... pl...

The Story of Ricky

9/25 Movie Time

Ah, so the gauntlet of true bonus has finally been thrown down. And who's there to pick it up? That's right- Phil. He's there, bonus in hand. He's been waiting for this moment, and I feel in true Phil phashion that there will be a reckoning. The master is returning to the temple, and we students are in for a brutal lesson.

Be forewarned.

Sunday, 9/25
5pm (note the new time)
Ando, Skeeter, Ma house (aka, Manpad II)

Come one, come all.

9/18 Movie Review - CAVEMAN

Every so often people ask, "What does 'bonus' mean?"

From now on, I'm pointing them to Caveman, starring Ringo Starr. Ooh, and Dennis Quaid and Shelley Long before they were famous. And Richard Moll as the Abominable Snowman.

1981 was an epic year for filmmaking- Raiders of the Lost Ark, Stripes, Cannonball Run, Chariots of Fire, The Fox and the Hound, An American Werewolf in London, Excalibur, Mad Max 2, Escape from New York, Time Bandits, Clash of the Titans, Scanners, The Howling, Heavy Metal, Dragonslayer, The Great Muppet Caper, Cheech & Chong's Nice Dreams, For Your Eyes Only (and only for youuuuu), and last but definitely not least, The Evil Dead. To this illustrious list, I must add Caveman.

Basic plot outline: Atouk (Starr) is a hapless caveman who lusts after the sexy mate (Barbara Bach) of the leader of the tribe (the Tooz! yeah, baby!). Atouk also happens to be a caveman genius. He gets booted from the clan for slipping the chief and his ladyfriend a prehistoric roofie. In his subsequent adventures he discovers fire, music, fried eggs, armor, weapons, and that love can overcome lust. And that friends are good. And the Abominable Snowman is lonely. Poor, poor Abominable Snowman. Oooh, and he eats weed-berries. As the trailer so eloquently states, "You'll discover why they called it 'the Stone Age!'"

I'm struggling, really, to describe this movie further, but I think it may be impossible. I think the best way to make those who haven't seen it understand the true amount of pure, clean bonus that exists is to describe it's possible effect upon our friends.

Zack- he picked it.
Matt- I loved it.
Skeeter- "I have to wash the bonus off because it's all over meeeeee!!!!"
Phil- would simultaneously punch himself in the nuts and ejaculate.
Ando- it would make his head bleed.
Scott- would laugh loudly, then grunt in confusion, then fall asleep.
Gr- wouldn't even sit through it.
Albert- would watch the entire thing with a slightly bemused look on his face.
Q- would want to watch it again with a director's commentary.
Ja- would watch it all, then mutter "Errr.... Bonus."
Smelcer- would be studying the law, preparing to marry a gorgeous doctor, and writing a brief for the 9th circuit court all while running a grueling marathon instead of actually watching the movie. but he'd say that he had free time and would totally hang out later this semester.

Caveman. So bonus. So beautiful.

Check out the trailer

9/18 Movie Info

Sunday 9/18 at 4pm. Ando, Matt, Skeeter's house. This time it's Zack's pick, and he's excited.

Dinner to follow.

Yeah, baby. It's the High Life.

Errol Morris and the High Life

Every so often you find out something that blows your mind, yet at the same time, makes absolutely perfect sense. Errol Morris is one of our greatest documentarians. If you've never seen The Fog of War, then you're missing out on something amazing. And the same goes for the "High Life Man" commercials for Miller Brewing.

Now pause for a second, and contemplate the fact that the man who redefined documentaries, won an Oscar, and has been called a genius by more filmmaking luminaries than you can shake a stick at, also is responsible for explaining how the powdered sugar on a donut forms a protective layer between the dirt and grime on your fingers and the valuable nutrition contained in said delicious pastry.

Holy crap.

From The Thin Blue Line to Sally. Truly magnificent.

Errol Morris Commercials

9/5/05 Movie - Tae Guk Gi

So far we have not had a single American film... excellent. Last night for the third installment of Masterbonus Theater we watched Tae Guk Gi, a sort of Korean Saving Private Ryan. Excellent pick, Skeeter. I was most aroused.

It's a movie that takes place during the Korean War, about two brothers who end up being drafted to fight for South Korea. It's a fantastic combination of Asian fraternal melodrama with big-budget American epic. It takes much from Saving Private Ryan stylistically, yet it manages to expand upon the familiar "war is hell" theme with none of Steven Spielberg's unavoidable sentimentality. The war itself is portrayed in shades of grey, with neither side coming out as particularly heroic. This is interesting, considering the fact that even after 50-plus years neither side of Korea is particularly friendly with the other.

You can't really discuss a war movie without commenting on the action. Basically, it's "holy cow holy cow holy cow... I think I just wet myself." The movie itself is 148 minutes, approximately 120 of which are violent depicitions of dismemberment, shootings, bludgeonings, stabbings, explosions, beatings, and maggots. You'd expect the audience to be overwhelmed with the non-stop intensity, but the director (Je-gyu Kang) varies the battles enough and keeps you on your toes with jarring visual surprises. That, and considering that I think the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan is one of the highest possible achievements of cinema (I'm being serious), I have to say that this movie was both savory and delicious. And not for the faint of heart. (As Social Worker Ann said, "Yeah, we get it already! War is fucking horrible! Why do they have to show it?")

Tae Guk Gi is a definite must-see for any fan of war movies, though, like all the good ones, it may be too hard to watch repeatedly.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386064/

Welcome to Masterbonus Theater!

Alright, in addition to actually shooting a movie next month, Phil and I decided to also start holding movie screenings, replete with beer and snacks. There is only one rule... You cannot tell anyone anything about the movie before it is screened. Not title, year, genre, language or even anyone who appears in it. Subsequently, nobody will know anything about the movie until it starts playing. We'll rotate each week who gets to pick the movie. So far here's the schedule:

Aug. 7- Matt
Aug. 14- Phil
Aug. 21- Ando?

The films you pick to show the group can be from any genre, any era, any anything. There are no rules as to what can be shown. 1940's romantic comedy? sweet. 1970's ray harryhausen monster movie? excellent. 80's stallone actioner? touche.

So start thinking of what movie you want to screen! Make it surprising. Make it shocking. Make it suck. It's all good! It's all about digging deep and bringing back that movie that people have forgotten- or even better, a fucking kick-ass movie that people have never even heard of.

Mark, if you think any of your friends would be down, feel free to include them. After David talked about watching that freaky claymation porno, I'm curious to see what else resides under that afro.

Sunday nights. Ando the Mando's house. Masterbonus Theater.

Hugs and kisses,
Statler (Phil) & Waldorf (Matt)